Reflection and Anticipation

It has been one of those nights where reflection and anticipation meet somewhere in the middle. I’m not sure quite where that is nor how to begin describing it. Reflection looks back, the past, what has been done either for the better or for the worse. Anticipation forces us to wait for tomorrow, the next minute, the next smile, the next conversation… what will it bring?

Tonight I started thinking more about my story and how honestly I stopped writing it. Yah sure, I’ve done this or I’ve done that, I’m still plugging away at college, working more than I should, and enjoying life, but I haven’t really done anything. Ever went to bed at night and been dead tired yet you’re not able to pin point a single thing that actually got accomplished? That is how I feel right now. Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but close.

Looking back I can see this beautiful path that was cut for me through the thickest brush, deepest water, and highest mountain. Realistically speaking, God cuts a path for a lot of people in many different ways to countless different roles. I can’t help but feel mine is different, my path took extra work, the trees were thicker, it was dark and raining, the waves were high, the mountains cold and deadly.

I don’t say this out of pride for myself but out of love for Christ. He has delivered me through so much and still maintains the patience throughout for when I decided He is paving this path too slow or incorrectly. Speaking from my heart I can say I don’t know how it happened, I don’t remember when it started, I don’t remember every detail, every person, every moment, but I remember the darkness. One day I will write about it.

Last post I stated that I wanted a challenge; I was comfortable and didn’t like it. I wasn’t growing in the ways I should and that’s just no good! I’m setting myself up for a bigger personal challenge and that is to continue writing my story. It is the single handed biggest testimony I have, it is mine and no one can copy it or steal it. I can tell the world and inspire others to live. My desire is for someone else to cut through the woods so far and deep they won’t ever have a desire to return to where they were.

I don’t desire to build myself up, but to help others build themselves up.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. – Proverbs 16:9