Gaming

I often think about her a lot, what her name will be, what color her eyes will be, what her dad does for a living, if she will end up like her mom, how will she handle my mistakes, will she enjoy the same things as me, if my family will like her, and if her family will like me among many others. I wonder if I’ve already met her or that moment is still to take place, if it’s a moment at all. I consider giving up this game of dating and relationships daily because it’s juvenile, yet my inexperience tells me to keep playing. Maybe instead of mastering ‘the game’ I should master surrender.

I love games and I love winning. What I have learned from playing games my entire life is pretty simple, they hurt. Dating games break hearts, sporting games make one team (or person) feel less than another, video games just waste your life away usually hurting others. Not often do two parties walk away feeling great about anything that happened. Of course there is strength found in losing (this blog almost defines it), but I would argue that there are easier routes to the end and to education.

I pray not for the one but for the best one. I pray God prepares my heart and body to lead. I pray I can jump when called and stand strong when not. I pray for God’s will over mine because in all reality I’m rather dumb. I pray to continue building my faith when I already know its rock solid. This isn’t a plea in desperation, but in thought, not for you or me but for Christ.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the heart of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. – Ecclesiastes 3:11

I wrote this two years ago on an attempt to save some of my prayers, this is the only one that survived.

I want to jump for joy, sing praises, and shout your name in thankfulness. Lord, you alone can calm us. Glory in the highest for saving my soul, the same soul that Satan dwells in. Thank you for being a light in a dark world filled with temptations on every corner and square. You alone can do all things, give the greatest blessings and fulfill the furthermost desires.

Without you Lord I know the depth of the hole of which I’d live. Lord my prayer is not for anything other than satisfaction. I pray with my face in the dirt for protection against what I believe to be wrong. I ask for strength to continue trusting You for my needs and desires. I'm afraid of the world after living in it. I'm a complete epic failure, but when I'm with you I am a sinful human being that actually matters and whom is dearly loved. I stand in sorrow because of the false lust in my heart, the desires to share moments and emotions with someone else other than the one you have for me. My princess is out there breathing the same air as I and receiving the same gifts of grace and mercy. Yet, I often choose the dark and lost instead of waiting for the bright and found.

I pray for her as I hope she prays for me. I pray that we both grasp how badly we need a Savior as much as we long for each other. I pray for her thoughts and actions, I pray that they are overflowing with love and simple beauty. I pray for my hands to be empty until we meet, I pray for my heart to never again be broken, I pray for my purity in its fullness to remain. I pray for courage to speak when needed, to love when wanted, and to give everything as if tomorrow was not going to come. I pray for my princess, that I may be her prince.

-End & To Be Continued